What Your Drink Says About You

What Your Drink Says About You

Gone are the days when choosing a drink was a matter of pleasure. The creepy shrinks are at it again and this time they've decided to judge you by your preferred poison. Here's their verdict ...
Tastessence Staff
Last Updated: May 4, 2018
"They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am."

―Stephen Colbert
As if the arch of your eyebrow or the space between your toes was not enough to decode your personality, the psycho-docs are here to tell you that the drink in your hand mirrors the real you. Interesting, since most of us, until now, have had a considerably non-discriminating policy when it came to downing booze. Well, it's not just about have-booze-get-boozed anymore. Your drink is the window to your very soul, so gulp it down and be the judge!
What Your Drink Says About Your Personality
drink
Martini
Martini
Wannabe Bond-sy are we? So unless you're actually wearing a Tom Ford suit/ have an Omega Seamaster on your wrist/ drive an Aston Martin, a martini in your hand could mean but one thing - a desperate plea for attention.
Manhattan
Manhattan
Do not let the color fool you into believing that the Manhattan is even remotely related to the spiked-slush that is the Cosmopolitan. Do not let the cherry fool you into believing that it is a girlie drink. The Manhattan drinker is just like the drink - all boozed up on the outside, but a whiny cherry in reality.
Long Island Iced Tea
Long Island Iced Tea
Gin, rum, vodka, tequila ... the Long Island Iced Tea is loaded, and how! Made phenomenally popular by the Sex and the City belles, this one is sure to put your drinking problem out in the open.
Rum 'n' Coke
Rum And Coke
Not enough cash to dole out on the real stuff, but still want to be dead drunk? Rum 'n' coke's here to your rescue! Dirt cheap and very effective, this is the drink to have when you sneak into a bar, having drained your parents' cabinet... oh I'm sorry, you are 19, aren't you?
Mojito
Mojito
You're a complete sucker for all things exotic and international, the mojito goes very well with your fake tan. You love to blabber about all the beaches you've (imagined to have) sunbathed on, except that in reality, you've just seen them on Discovery Channel in the cold confines of your living room, sipping coffee.
Tequila
Tequila
Bad breakup? Evil boss? Mom-in-law visiting this weekend? Whatever sorrows you might choose to drown in these vile tasting little devils, these sanity dunkers will rob you of your dignity once and for all. Unless you're downing these wearing a neon-colored, midriff baring top, while on a spring break in Cabo... which makes for an interesting evening ahead!
Beer
Beer
If you are a guy drinking beer, you're Homer Simpson. You're a girl? Drinking beer? Oh honey, you're not that old, you know? I'm sure you'll manage to impress a nice guy without drinking that burp-inducing gold fizz. Stick to champagne, girl!
White/Red/Sparkling Wine
Wine
Your bartender would have to climb your uppity ladder to hand you this drink. You reek of smugness and look down upon those chicks who keep cackling with a flashy pink Cosmopolitan in their hands. You own leather-bound copies of the Iliad and the Odyssey, which, one of these days you'll start reading. Yes. Reading. Really reading. And yes, you're definitely a girl.
Gin and Tonic
Gin and Tonic
Ah, the good old G and T! Quintessentially British, you could be labeled boring, if you happen to drink it on the other side of the Atlantic. Well, it is a no-frills attached chiller, a complete lifesaver on a hot day. Drink this enough, and you're sure to get a stiff upper lip.
Scotch Neat
Scotch Neat
Scotch neat. Sooo like the sound of that. Spells class, sophistication, intrigue. Which probably means you're middle-aged, steadily going bald, having trouble holding on to your millions as the missus has filed for a divorce... you get the drift ...!
Some guy by the name of Robert Louis Stevenson said something like the first thing in the human personality that dissolves in alcohol is dignity. So kids, there we have it. Drinking is drinking and it is really drinking. Doesn't make you a hot target in your social circle, doesn't make your liver happy either. Want to make a real impression? Stick to pure Evian. Those psycho-docs wouldn't know what hit them.